Over the last year I have keep having these reoccurring moments. They remind me of an eighties song, that goes something like this, "This is not my beautiful house, this is not my beautiful wife", only I insert husband. I guess I keep having these pinch me moments. Where I don't believe this is really my life. I think because I I just expected something so different.
I expected that becuse I loved God so much that I would live for him to the fullest that I knew how, which in my mind was missions work. When I did that and it didn't fit I moved on to full time ministry. I did love that but there were things that also didn't fit. Not that God was pushing me into a box that I didn't fit...but that I was pushing myself into boxes that I didn't fit. But I continued on in my journey of discovery and service. I did some "big things" in my mind and even heart for God but they didn't work out also for a million reasons. And now at the end of myself....When I couldn't make heads or tails of the plan I see all kinds of blessings.
When I would picture my life when I was younger, it was always in some kind of full time ministry, with zero money. Things have turned out a little differently. Sometimes its almost uncomfortable it so different. But then I remind myself that God loves me. Really. I am constantly trying to understand it but he does. And he is trying to show me everyday. I am finding out that God has a much better handle on me and what I really need than I do. Go figure, right. Better than I can imagine. More that I can see. "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jeremiah 29:11)
