The yearn

I've always had it. It explodes sometimes. Other times it is just bubbling up from somewhere in side of me. I always recognize it in others. I see when its not there too. Some people have it. Some people don't. It is a blessing and a curse. It is a yearning for something. I always feel in some way like I am on the verge of being epic in some way. But what? Maybe that's why I go big or go home. In reality...I go big and then I go home. I lose interest in my next big thing even though it was all I could think 2 days or 2 months ago.
It could have started with childhood. I hated being left out of anything. I remember when my parents would rent a VHS player and movie. Yes, that's what I said. In the eighties you had to rent the player and the tape. And they used to have those little smiley face stickers, "Be kind, Rewind". Back to the point, they would rent their movies and my brother and I would go to bed. I would sneak through the hall and try to watch without being detected. I didn't want to miss out. Perhaps part of my yearning is the feeling that if I stay with whatever it is I am doing I will miss out on what's next. So, to hell with whatever I am dong now. It's yesterday's news. What is around the corner?
So the yearn isn't answered. It just grows because it hasn't been satiated. The yearn wants to do everything. At times I let the yearn screw up really good things in my life because I just want whats next.
I have to learn to release and yet tame the yearn. Release what comes with it. The creativity. The passion. The euphoria of the new. But tame the wanderlust that forgets the blessings of the past and doesn't allow for growth in the here and now.
Right now I feel like a shark. Stop moving and die. I think I may have something to learn from something like say, Coral? It just keeps growing and becoming more amazing. It is not frantically moving from side to side, always faster still. It just is.